Coffee with Mike (Part 4)

In the fall of 1987, Adrian and Adriana went to their first day of school. They loved it. When they came home they told us “everything” they learned that day, how much they liked their teacher and the other kids. The year went well. Then the next year they started first grade...the real stuff. My little girls left first grade with above average grades. Little did we know that year would be the last holiday season myself, my wife, and both my precious little girls would ever spend together again.

The summer between first and second grade was awesome. We went to see the giant Redwoods, Yellowstone Park, and Disneyland. The girls were so excited to go to second grade that their mom took them on a special girl’s day out. They went shopping, to lunch, and just had a fun day. They were total girly girls. They loved shopping, buying clothes, trying them on, and modeling them around the house. That day though, when they got home I built a small runway and they modeled all their little outfits for me…spinning & dancing. It was a lot of fun for us all.

The first day of school came and went. Then in early October every parent’s nightmare unleashed. Sunday, October 7th, 1989 was supposed to be day of barbequing and fun at the park. Debby, the girls, Debby’s sisters, and a few friends…probably 12 of us total…were there to spend the day together having fun. The girls were playing in the park. About 3 pm, it started cooling down and when I looked up see where the girls were I couldn’t see Adrian. At first I didn’t think a whole lot of it…just kept looking to try and figure out where she went. But after a while of her not showing up I began to panic…she went missing. After about 30 minutes of searching with the help of people in the park we called the police. We were crazy, frantic…it is hard to explain how it felt. It is definitely one of the worst feelings I have ever experienced though. The police showed up immediately scouring the neighborhood knocking on doors, a helicopter was in the air blowing the bull horn for hours. We even had people come in from other counties to help, but there was no description of anything to help guide us. Nobody saw anything…nobody knew what to look for….nobody saw anybody grab her. It was terrible because we had no leads to go off of. Adrian was gone and no one had seen what happened. But everyone kept searching. The first day passed. The second day passed. The police said it didn’t look good. On the third day at 1:15 pm we got a call…“They think they found her. Would we come to the morgue?” I was sick…”God please don’t let that be Adrian! Please let her be alive still!” When I got to the morgue I had to go in to identify her. Debby didn’t go in. I didn’t want her to see our daughter like that if it was her. When I went I saw her beautiful face...it was her….my precious baby girl. She was gone... I was supposed to protect her and I failed. The search and rescue teams found her in the San Bernardino Mountains in a suit case, nude, cleaned, and her tiny body in pieces…dismembered. No evidence left. From the look of the suitcase it looked like she was probably thrown from a moving car 18 to 24 hours earlier. There was no respect shown…they just threw her out the window of the car…just got rid of her like she was trash! Anger and revenge brewed in me. If I ever found those guys I was killing them! Even if the police found them I was killing them! They would pay for what they did to my daughter and family! Somehow, someway I was going to find those guys. But the men were never found. My mind wouldn’t stop thinking about all the horrors she must have gone through during her final hours. Where was I? Where was her daddy when she needed him the most? I was sure thoughts like that were going through her head right before she died. From this point my life shifted. I would never be the same…how could I? My daughter was brutally taken from me! And I wanted vengeance…I dreamed about what I would do to those men if I ever found them! I was so caught up in myself and how I felt about Adrian that I couldn’t be there for Debby and Adriana the way they needed me to. I should have been strong for them. None of us went to counseling or anything. We did what we could to try and get “normal” again as a family, but how do you find “normal” after something like that? Adriana and I became even closer. She had lost her best friend, and I wasn’t about to lose her! I wouldn’t let her out of my sight for one second! I would take her to school and pick her up. I wouldn’t let her do a lot of things that other parents let their children do. She was only 7 and didn’t know how to express herself. She didn’t know how to explain the things she was feeling inside. She became very quiet and afraid, unless she was with me. She wouldn’t even open up the front door of the house. I needed to protect her and make sure she was safe. She continued to do well in school with around a B average, but she stayed very quiet and reserved. Sadly as we got closer she and Debby started slowly growing apart, just like Debby and I also slowly grew apart. I think in the beginning Debby and I were blaming each other, though we never said it out loud, but it was obvious that was happening….though I blamed myself more than anybody else. I was her father and I should have been there to protect her and save her! I did feel some animosity toward Debby…why wasn’t she watching her too? If we were doing our job this wouldn’t have happened. There are a lot of stupid and crazy thoughts that come into your mind after something like this, and it is hard to see clearly what is logical and what isn’t. I started spending more time with my friends, and got heavily into drinking. I couldn’t get enough. I always needed more. I couldn’t drink enough to dull the pain I felt inside.